Blame

Blame can be a great tool for protecting yourself.  As long as you can point your finger at somebody else, you don’t have to accept any guilt.  If your mistakes and problems are somebody else’s fault, then you can excuse yourself.  Sadly, it can be pretty easy to blame somebody else for your decision to use drugs.  Maybe somebody else got you to try drugs, perhaps by using peer pressure.  Maybe the stress of your job made you look for some way to escape.  Maybe you have been treated badly or even abused by others, so you needed some way to cope with your problems.  Maybe you suffer from depression or bipolar disorder, and you need drugs to cope with the suffering in your life.  Maybe you suffer from chronic pain, and you need drugs to cope with the pain.  The list of reasons why people say they need to use drugs is long and very sad.

There’s an old saying, however, that when you point your finger at somebody else, that leaves four other fingers pointing back at you.  In other words, blaming other people really doesn’t help.  Unless somebody holds you down and forces the drug into your system, you have made a choice to use.  And not just the first time, but every time you used.  Let’s face it.  Nobody ever really held you down and forced you to swallow a pill or a bottle of gin.  There may have been pressure of some kind or other, but the fact is that you made a choice to use.  Every. Time. You. Used.  The problem with blaming others for our addiction is that you surrender your freedom.  If you are willing to assert that your use of drugs is in the hands of others, then you implicitly admit that you are helpless.

https://youtu.be/qvSTGedFNi0

You’re not helpless.  You made have made poor choices in the past.  For any of a variety of reasons, you may have decided that using drugs was the answer to your problems.  The important thing to realize is that you made a decision and repeatedly chose to continue down that path.  Blaming doesn’t do any good for you or for anyone else.  Blaming is an attempt to exempt yourself from the guilt for what you have done.  All it really accomplishes is to prevent you from moving forward to recovery.  Pointing fingers is, pardon the pun, pointless.  Give it up.  Stop blaming.  Stand up and make better decisions in the future.

Responsibility

One of the challenges of recovery from addiction is the acknowledgement of the damage you have caused in your own life and the lives of others.  Parents must sometimes admit that their addiction has left them unable to provide proper care for their children.  Employees must sometimes admit that they have not performed their duties at work because they were more focused on getting more of their drug of choice than on completing their work.  Worse, they may have to admit that work sometimes just didn’t get done because they were unable to get to work.  Recovering addicts must admit that money which should have been used to pay bills was instead used to buy drugs.  The wreckage of a life of addiction must be confronted and acknowledged, and that can be both difficult and painful.

We must be careful, however, that acknowledging the damage we have caused no lead us to wallow in guilt and shame.  It is one thing to admit that we have done wrong; it is something very different to give in to self-hatred and despondency.  That fact that we have done wrong does not necessarily make us bad people.  The wreckage of our past is part of the reality of addiction.  Our failure to live up to our potential is a result of our addiction to drugs, not of simple laziness or inattention.  This does not mean that we can exempt ourselves of any responsibility for our past.  Rather, we must acknowledge that our decision to use drugs and to continue using drugs has harmed both ourselves and others.

Just as we must take responsibility for the damage we have caused, we must also take responsibility for our present and future choices.  We made choices in the past to engage in self-destructive behaviors, including the use of drugs to cope with our lives.  That is the past.  Now, we are given the opportunity to make different, better choices.  In the Gospels, Jesus is presented with a woman who was engaged in adultery.  He does not condemn her for her past, but He does expect her to make better choices in the future.  “Neither do I condemn you.  Go your way and sin no more.”  He offers the same message to us.  He does not condemn us, but He does expect us to make better choices in the future.  Your past is over and done with.  Your future is in your hands.  What will you do with it?

http://www.amhc.org/1408-addictions/article/48356-addiction-and-personal-responsibility-a-fundamental-conflict

Honesty

To some degree, living with addiction requires an element of dishonesty.  We may need to lie to family or friends about our use of drugs.  We may lie to supervisors at work about why we are absent or why our work is slipping.  We may lie in order to get the money we need to purchase our drug of choice.  We may like to ourselves about the extent of our drug use or make excuses about our need to use drugs.  Some research indicates that people who abuse drugs often come from the more intelligent among us.  This isn’t really surprising, considering the fact that victims of addiction must keep track of an entire web of deceit.  That can’t be easy to manage.  You have to remember who you told what lie to.

This is one of many reasons why the person who abuses drugs is living a very difficult lifestyle.  Beyond the web of lies that must be maintained, the victim of addiction must often give up other things they enjoy in order to continue their use of drugs.  Addicts often end up living in unsafe, very risky situations and may engage in behaviors that leave themselves or others open to great harm.  Even here, dishonestly is at work, since the addict often lies to themselves or others about how dangerous their behavior is.

Addictive behavior does not want to speak the truth, nor does it want to hear the truth.  The victim of addiction can become angry and resentful when somebody speaks the truth to them about their addictive behavior.  To point out to an addict what they are really doing is often to risk rejection, anger and avoidance.  The attempt to break through the addict’s web of lies often results in verbal attacks on the one speaking the truth.  The addict knows, on some level, that their web of lies is necessary to the maintenance of their addiction.

Honesty is indispensable to recovery.  As long as you continue to lie to yourself or others, you will not be able to move forward into recovery.  Addiction cannot survive in an environment of total honesty.  Addiction is, at least in part, an attempt to escape from reality, so a real and full acknowledgement of one’s reality cannot coexist with addiction.  The two are diametrically opposed.  God calls us to live the truth in our words and in our deeds.  As disciples of Jesus Christ, we are to both hear and speak the truth.

The Addiction blog has posts relating to honesty in recovery.  Find it at http://alcohol.addictionblog.org/honesty-and-self-deception-in-drug-or-alcohol-addiction/